


Longing For You

by WanderingSorrows



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Gabriel Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Gabriel is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Gen, He/Him Pronouns For Gabriel (Good Omens), Hurt No Comfort, I'm running out of tags, My First Fanfic, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Pining, Pre-Armageddon, She/Her Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), War in Heaven (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25430959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingSorrows/pseuds/WanderingSorrows
Summary: Gabriel pins over the loss of his Angelic Lover after Lucifer's Revolution. Gabriel makes some bad choices and this is my take on how Gabriel became the asshole we all know and love.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Longing For You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction, so hopefully all of you will go easy on me!
> 
> I was debating on changing the pronouns of Beelzebub to they/them because I see them as a non-binary figure. But since Gabriel lost his memory of Bee I think he would automatically assume that his lover was a female, and since this story is in his point of view I stuck with it.
> 
> Constructive criticism is always appreciated! I'd love to hear what you thought about the story and how I can improve!
> 
> Enjoy! <3

If there was anything Gabriel feared more than God herself, it was his dreams.

Hauntingly beautiful, an Angel with ebony black locks, and brilliant azul eyes, which were filled with shimmering hues of cerulean which seemed to rival even the most torrent of waves from the ocean's depths. In every dream, this figure was there, a soft melodic whisper in his ears. Always present, but never there for him to hold and to lay claim onto.

_It drove the Archangel mad._

During the quiet times, when Gabriel found himself done with the copious amounts of work he forced onto himself every single day. She consumed every waking thought of his being. Lingering hands of a lover long forgotten, soothing him, calling out his name, a mere presence that did very little to patch up the deep hole that tugged at his heart.

He would scream, beg, _cry_ , for the spirit to leave him alone. But every time he tried, his words always fell upon deaf ears. What had he done to be haunted as such? Was this divine retribution for a crime he could no longer remember? A curse bestowed upon him, born from the grievances of an Angel whose name was long dead to him?

Why, why must he be the one to suffer for the sake of a Fallen? Surely he could not be the one at fault, for he had always sought to follow God's teachings. Uphold her code to the highest degree, exceeding the expectations she had placed upon him and all of his siblings.

Gabriel was not one to dwell on the past either, he believed in only moving forward and preparing to face the challenges that lay before him. There was little for him to gain by harking upon fragmented memories, as the beings who had accompanied said visions were little more than miscreants who valued trivial things more than the ever forgiving light of the Lord. His lover had been the same. Tainted by the wiles and the wickedness of his misguided brother, Lucifer. She had turned her back on God, and in doing so had unwittingly turned her back on him.

Traitors such as herself didn't deserve to be given the luxury of taking his time of day. As close as they once were, as feverishly as her ghost lusted for him, he would not give in to her wishes. Giving in to such desires was foolish, and unlike his imprudent siblings, Gabriel would hold his ground against the nameless siren that lurked behind the shadows of his own mind. He would not allow himself to fall victim to her calling, he would stand strong and act as the heavenly warrior his siblings believed him to be. Even if it meant losing himself in the process.

_And he did._

Gabriel soon found himself reforged, changed into a being he could no longer recognize every time he gazed into the mirror. His long-forgotten specter, still the timeless nuisance that resided in the far corners of his mind. Always threatening to break through the guarded walls he had built around himself.

Until he found a way to fix the problem.

Gabriel was quick to shun the part of him that longed for the warm, familiar embrace of his lover. The simple parts of him that couldn't move on, his empathy and his regret. He simply abandoned. Restraining the two simple articles that tied him to his past under lock and key and refused to look back from there.

The Great Plan was all that mattered to him, it was his only form of stability when everything around him seemed to crumble apart.

It wasn't long before Gabriel found himself with fewer people around. Angels that Gabriel once thought that he could trust quickly turned their backs on him. Hearsay and rumors spreading across the entirety of Heaven like wildfire; tainting his good name. Until words such as _workaholic_ , _uncaring_ , and _sanctimonious bastard_ became a part of who he was.

Gabriel was powerless to stop it. Their words tore him apart from the inside, and it wasn't long before everything they said became fact as Gabriel found himself giving in to the character his siblings believed him to be.

He was alienated by his siblings, his own family. A stranger even to himself. There wasn't anyone to love and care for him anymore, no one waiting for him to wake up and lay gentle kisses to. His friends, the Archangels merely distant figures in his realm. Gabriel knew that he was alone in his world, but at least he wouldn't have to bear the burden of losing anyone else.

_He smiled pitifully at the thought. At least soon, he wouldn't have to keep longing for her anymore._


End file.
